How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
