he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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