Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We're too hungover to prance.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
