Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Acid is not a monday night drug
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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