My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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