Your tits are I can't wait for
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
