Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
