If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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