just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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