He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
A+ Viking dick
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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