Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
