The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
