just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
