so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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