I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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