I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
