you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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