what day is it and did you see me today?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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