Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
