I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
