I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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