Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it's like iHOP with fire
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
