p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
