Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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