everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
