Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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