So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
