Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
