Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
