I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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