I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
