I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
