oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
