Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
