I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's blow job season.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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