sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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