hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
