Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
