that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
