and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
