dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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