So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
do herpes really smell.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
