I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
