what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
