I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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