I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
