Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Pants 0. Shit 1.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
