Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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