Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
