come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
